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Alien Insurance
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
Oh, God, aliens abducted me and now they’re gonna perform all manner of hideous experiments on me!

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Alien Pests
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
Your mouse problem’s a bit bigger than I first suspected…

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B-Negative Blood
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
“The lab results came back … looks like your blood type is B-negative.”

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Bad Prognosis
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
Quit being around the bush and just tell me how bad it is, doc!!!

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Breaking The Bad News
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
Well, I don’t know how to break the bad news to you Mr. Jenson, but …

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Caught Something Nasty
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
A doctor says to his patient who is holding something in a catcher’s mitt, “Looks like you caught something nasty there.”

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Extra Nipples Side Effects
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
“I’ve heard that your medication can grow extra nipples, but I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you.”

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Flu Bonanza
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
A doctor says to his patient who has a pig snout, wings, and cow patterns on him, “You’ve managed to catch bird flu, swine flu, and a touch of Mad Cow disease.”

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Hypochondria Health Records
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
Sorry I’m late, I had to retrieve your health records.

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Lost In The Electronic Shuffle
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
Mr. Benton, I’m afraid your electronic health records, got lost in the electronic shuffle.

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Pharmaceutical Charity
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
Before you say no to this prescription, let me also say that your monthly tax-deductible gift will help support a pharmaceutical executive in need.

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Placebo Side Effects
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
“I’m not so much concerned with the side effects of the drug I gave you as I am with the fact that it’s a placebo.”

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Politician Truth Yoga
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
No, senator, I’m afraid stretching the truth doesn’t count as yoga.

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Side Effect Voices
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
The voices from my prescription side effects say you should consider lowering the dosage.

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Toilet Water On The Brain
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
Your lab work came back positive for toilet water on the brain.

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Voice Mailbox Setup
Price range: $20.00 through $100.00
“To help with the constant ringing in your ears, I’m prescribing instructions to set up your voice mailbox.”

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