Jon Carter's words of wisdom
page 1
page2 page3
This section features miscellaneous
little observations and ponderances from the notebooks I've written in over
the years. If you're looking for sage advice on a serious matter in your
life... well, don't look here. But if laughter is what you need...well,
don't look here either. Just read on and you'll understand...
If we had to marry sanity I would've started alimony
payments a long time ago.
I never make misstakes.
I always say "there's no time like the present"
but I usually say it "a day late and a dollar short."
alliterations are a dime a dozen.
You reap what you sow, that's why instead I just
dig a hole and put stuff in it.
I don't mind working at my job, it's being there
that I hate.
I think people like me because there are no strings
attached.*
The worst part about losing your mind when you're
out shopping is going up to the service desk and having them page it for
you.
Clip-on ties are convenient until you go through
a metal detector.
It's hard for gay people to keep a straight face.
"Is this my water, Lou?" - Napoleon
The French gave us the Statue of Liberty. We gave
them Jerry Lewis.
The I.R.S. is the toll booth of life.
Give some people a hand and they take the whole
arm.
A semicolon's just a half-ass sentence ender.
Some women don't get out of prison until they're
old and menopausal. I guess you could say there's no period at the end of
their sentence.
The day I finally swallowed my pride I choked on
it in front of a large crowd, making a total fool of myself.
The rain is good sleeping weather. Unless you're
homeless.
Sometimes a smile is just an upside down frown.
There's a fine line between smiling and gritting
your teeth happily.
Behind every great smile lies a tongue giving you
the finger.
There's a fine line between sleeping with your eyes
open and watching T.V.
Research shows that five out of four people is a
fifth wheel.
There comes a point in every person's life where
people stop caring about what point in life they're in.
If I was a newly released movie I would've probably
gone straight to video.
Pam Shoo invented shampoo.
Black and white television was the greatest invention
to come along since clear television.
We need trepenation like we need a hole in the head.
I don't get even I get odd.