Jon Carter's words of wisdom
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This section features miscellaneous
little observations and ponderances from the notebooks I've written in over
the years. If you're looking for sage advice on a serious matter in your
life... well, don't look here. But if laughter is what you need...well,
don't look here either. Just read on and you'll understand...
Just think...if our country's forefathers hadn't
fought so valiantly to win the revolutionary war we'd all be speaking English
right now.
The bicycle is a unicycle for the inept.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression,
but there's always a first chance to make a second or third impression.
Back in the old days my father used to say "Son,
when I was your age we didn't have old days. But when you're my age you'll
be able to say "Back in the old days..."
If you ever see a 12 inch doll that looks just
like you don't stick a needle in it.
Fanfare is better than cab fare.
Toilets are sinks for your butt. Sinks are toilets
for your face.
Sure, sometimes it's hard to cope with reality but
can you imagine not being able to cope with fantasy?
I hate those stamps that weigh 2 ounces and only
cover 1 ounce of postage.
Don't you wish you could jay-walk through some parts
of your life?
When you go to the doctor sometimes they give you
a cup to pee in. Sometimes they give you a cup to poop in, but when you
have a cold why don't they hand you a cup and say "here, blow your
nose in this."
Every day you live is like a payment on your life
loan.
To take action is to take a thought's virginity.
I bet when sliced bread was invented is was the
best invention since... well, a whole loaf of bread.
If a mime falls in the woods do you hear him?
If you quit trying to be a quitter you're still
a quitter.
Getting over people we've known in our past is kind
of like driving: sometimes there are speedbumps, other times there are mountains.
Since they can't see the stars too well at night
I wonder if the people in L.A. just wish upon the smog.
A thought is an action's rough draft.
It's hard for most people to believe that they can
make a living doing what they love since most people can't even make a living
doing something they hate.
Hat + ate= hate. So don't eat a hat.
Anxiety is mental heartburn.
E=MC² unless you're a dog.
"If looks could kill I wouldn't really
care." - Some blind guy.
No man is an island but there are a few
peninsulas.
A sponge walks into a bar and says "spill
me a beer."
Oxymoron #681,543: "American Realism"
The United States was an occident waiting
to happen.